2008 Woodie Awards
A Loving Point of View
The do's and don'ts of parenting
Blair Loving
Issue date: 2/15/08 Section: Post
I consider myself a good parent. A good father. Others have mentioned it and I have been actually asked to teach a class on parenting. Granted it is more likely that they wanted my wife to teach and I was baggage, but still I was asked, which means I can't be too much of a screw up. So in balance to the sex-ploits of "Let's Get Off Together"-which I honestly have to respect, by the way, after all, how many of you would have the courage, or the bolloks, to speak of something so personal and still be so honest-let's talk about parent-ploits.
I have been married for eight years and have been a father for six, and though I don't claim to be an expert, I do claim to be experienced enough to avoid a lot of the pitfalls of parenthood. So, no matter if you fear children or are already a grandparent, hopefully you'll hear something new you can try. (Some of this is gleaned from the "Love and Logic" series.)
1. Don't let yourself be baited. I've heard that there are a certain number of ways in which people manipulate and that if you name the method the person is using they will have to stop. The same is true for people, large or small, throwing temper tantrums. Three little words can make all the difference. Those three words are, "you sound upset." Or, "you sound mad", or hurt, or tired, or whatever they may be feeling. This takes the person, age two to ninety and makes them think about how they are feeling, not just what they are thinking. It works, try it. Their rant will be derailed and you can get them talking or thinking of a solution instead of brooding.
2. Let them own the problem. Now understand first this must be prefaced with empathy. "Aw, that sounds rough. What are you going to do?" You don't have to fix everything. There's a wonderful book out that I would recommend to all mothers or fathers of children any age, called "I Don't Have to Make it All Better." It's true, you don't, that's their job. In the "Love and Logic" series there is a wonderful concept that I grabbed onto with both hands, "We are not raising children we're raising adults." You are training these little people how to be big people. Let them learn how to handle the little problems on their own so the big problems are easier for them to handle. Which brings us to the next point…
I have been married for eight years and have been a father for six, and though I don't claim to be an expert, I do claim to be experienced enough to avoid a lot of the pitfalls of parenthood. So, no matter if you fear children or are already a grandparent, hopefully you'll hear something new you can try. (Some of this is gleaned from the "Love and Logic" series.)
1. Don't let yourself be baited. I've heard that there are a certain number of ways in which people manipulate and that if you name the method the person is using they will have to stop. The same is true for people, large or small, throwing temper tantrums. Three little words can make all the difference. Those three words are, "you sound upset." Or, "you sound mad", or hurt, or tired, or whatever they may be feeling. This takes the person, age two to ninety and makes them think about how they are feeling, not just what they are thinking. It works, try it. Their rant will be derailed and you can get them talking or thinking of a solution instead of brooding.
2. Let them own the problem. Now understand first this must be prefaced with empathy. "Aw, that sounds rough. What are you going to do?" You don't have to fix everything. There's a wonderful book out that I would recommend to all mothers or fathers of children any age, called "I Don't Have to Make it All Better." It's true, you don't, that's their job. In the "Love and Logic" series there is a wonderful concept that I grabbed onto with both hands, "We are not raising children we're raising adults." You are training these little people how to be big people. Let them learn how to handle the little problems on their own so the big problems are easier for them to handle. Which brings us to the next point…
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